"Letter From the Past"

Dear Future Self,
Right now I’m sitting in my ninth grade creative writing class. Next, I will go to PreAP Bio, then English, then Greenpower. Just like every other day. I’m worried that once I am out of high school the lack of structure and schedule will just make me less organized. I’ve been worried about what to do after high school since sixth grade, and I still don’t know the answer. I want to be a forensic psychologist but I fear I’ll never be smart enough to get anywhere doing it. I hope by the time you’re reading this, we’ve figured out what we’re meant to do. I hope, by the time you’re reading this, that you’ve continued improving at art and writing, because right now all I want is to be able to do those things.
Sometimes, I wish that everyone was free to do anything they wanted. I wish that I could just choose to do something and everyone would accept it. I could be an artist, and or an author, and live the life I want to. Other times, I wish we all automatically knew what we’re meant to do. I wish I knew what goal I was working towards, because not knowing what to do scares me. I’ve always been treated like I’m gifted, like I’m special, and I hate that because now my fear of being unsuccessful and average is overwhelming. I feel like I have to do everything spectacularly and even then something is always wrong with it. Nothing I do is ever, or will ever be, good enough. I hope by the time you’re reading this, you’ve found a way to accept that.
I hope, that when you’re reading this, you’ve found things that make you happy, like I’m trying to do right now. I hope stupid Christmas decorations still make you laugh. I hope, more than anything, that you’re okay. Or at least trying to be. I hope you can still find beautiful things whenever you look around, and I hope that maybe you’ve stopped believing the world is out to get you.
Sincerely,
You, age 14