"Coping Through Creating"
October 12, 2018, Interview
Overview/Summary: Most reasonable people are angered and saddened by abuse, and specifically child abuse. But, when the damage does not manifest as a physical wound, it is easy for people to ignore, or simply not notice. While effects of abuse are exhibited in many ways, so do coping mechanisms. Some use art to heal, as is the case with my friend Maddy.
Q: Have you ever been abused? (Physically, verbally, emotionally) how old were you?
A: Yeah, definitely. Uh, it was, emotionally. I think it started when I was in kindergarten, it went to about fifth grade, until I moved away.
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Q: If it’s not too personal, are there any specifics you can share?
A: a lot of times, they would take my drawings and paintings and rip them, I’d take naps on the ground. It wasn’t a parent, but they’d tell me I’m worthless and useless, there was never violence but there were threats of violence.
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Q: You mentioned that you were an artist, have you used art as a coping mechanism?
A: Most definitely, it is a coping mechanism. It was one of the only things I held on to. I would hide [my art pieces] so I could keep them. Now, I think I’ve improved, and I sometimes make money off of it. That’s why a lot of times, you’ll see me doodling. Especially in uncomfortable situations. You’ll see me clicking pens too.
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Q: What did you do to hide it? Was it easy to do so?
A: I think, it was really easy for people to not notice. There were no bruises or anything, so. They were just confused about why I would flinch when they’d raise their voice. They’d pick on me for being anxious. There wasn’t really any “noticing it” or “hiding it”. I didn’t recognize that what was happening to me was really wrong.
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Q: Is there any lingering effects from the abuse that you’re still coping with today?
A: Definitely, I have an anxiety disorder and depression, as well as manic episodes. It’s really easy to make me cry. There are certain strong triggers; smells, words, stuff like that.
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Q: What is something you would want to go back and tell yourself, or others in that situation?
A:I would want to go back to tell myself that what they’re doing is wrong, that I should tell someone, because what was happening really was wrong. I feel like I would have gotten through it with less trauma if I had known that it was wrong or told someone. Uh, abuse doesn’t happen suddenly, it’s a gradual process. It’s hard to notice, especially when you’re younger. If you drop a frog in boiling water, it’ll jump out, but if you put it in lukewarm water and the heat it up, it’ll die. Since it just increasingly got worse, I didn’t notice until years later. Like I said, the best thing I could have told myself was “this is wrong, tell someone”.